I thought today, on this 9 year anniversary, I would add to my story, seeing as how so very much has changed in my life over the last few years.
First of all I need to tell you that on August 4th I woke up, stepped out of bed and was immediately bombarded with intense pain in my left leg and foot. I laid back down for a bit until the pain subsided a bit and then tried again, only to have the same response. I realized that I could feel the bottom of my foot, which I haven’t felt in over nine years. It was really weird when I stepped on a cookie crumb and could feel it. It was also really hard to walk because I have become so used to walking on a leg with so little feeling on the outside. As the day progressed I realized that I could feel more and more of my left leg and foot. I went to bed that night in so very much pain, and kind of hoped that when I woke up my leg would be back to being mostly numb. But that didn’t happen. As Monday and Tuesday passed and more and more feeling returned so did more and more nerve pain. It has been two weeks now and I’ve come to accept that this is my new normal. I see the doctor tomorrow, but I know that until I can become accustomed to the new pain level I am going to struggle… as is my family.
Now let me tell you a bit about my family… and then I will get back to my medical stuff.
In February of 2012 I was asked out on a date by a wonderful friend. Six months later, on August 4th he asked me to marry me. We were married for time and all eternity in the Bountiful Utah LDS temple. G. has three sons and a daughter, and I have a daughter. So overnight I went from a family of two, to a family of seven. It is so wacky when I think about it.
The three youngest kids live with us, and I have to say it has been really difficult adjusting my life so that everything gets done and everyone’s needs are met. I don’t get to rest my body as much as I used to, so my pain level increased. While at first it was difficult, it has become easier to deal with. I love being married to G, he is the love of my life and such a wonderful, patient and loving husband.
I have to admit that the effects of my medical condition are hard on the family at times and I struggle with that. Before it was just me and my daughter, and even then I struggled hard with not being able to do certain things with her, or having bad days when I couldn’t get out of bed or was really tired. Those feelings of inadequacy and feeling like a burden have increased tenfold. I try to not talk to anyone about how I feel on any given day, but I know my husband struggles with it and doesn’t know how to handle it or really how to feel about it all. And that saddens me. There are many times I just wish I were normal and that my husband and his kids didn’t have to deal with the pains and frustrations I bring to the table. Don’t get me wrong, not every day is hard, and my husband has implemented a schedule so the kids help with cooking and cleaning. But there are still many days I come home from work exhausted and in so much pain and know that I have a ton of stuff waiting for me. It is hard… but with it comes the blessings of feeling like I am being a good wife and mother.
And that matters a ton.
So now that the feeling has returned… for who knows what reason, to my leg and foot, and with it has come an increase in nerve pain, I worry about the effects this change will have on my family. The over the counter medication I was taking (instead of taking narcotics), doesn’t seem to help much and the narcotic medication I have doesn’t work extremely well either. I’m hoping my doctor can give me some hope tomorrow as far as the pain is concerned. But I do know that over time you get used to the nerve pain… that is what happened in the beginning. I’m hoping that will happen again.
I will keep you posted.
